


words and actions

by siamesedaydream



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Winter Soldier (Comics)
Genre: LGBT, M/M, One Shot, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Stucky - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-11
Updated: 2018-09-11
Packaged: 2019-07-11 00:18:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15960653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siamesedaydream/pseuds/siamesedaydream
Summary: 40s Stucky AU in which Bucky is a professional boxer and must carry the guilt of Steve's stress when he comes home bloody knuckled.





	words and actions

Bucky's closed fist hovers over the wooden door - he's not quite ready to face Steve's watering baby-blues. Just as he decides to instead open the door in case he's fallen asleep, Steve does so for him. Bucky looks down at him guiltily, although Steve avoids eye contact and diverts his eyes to the bruising adorning his face.

"Stevie it's not as bad as it loo-", "Inside", Steve simply murmurs, softly gripping his t-shirt.

He compliantly follows Steve's light tug into the living room, not wanting to cause him anymore stress.

"You're driving me insane, you know that right?" Steve scowls as Bucky takes a seat on the coffee table.

He doesn't respond, and thinks of the time when Steve uttered the very same words for a far more encouraging reason.

Steve pulls Bucky's hair up into a messy bun away from his face and sighs, "Not good Buck".

"Still pretty?" he grins.

"For now".

 

Bucky scoffs and winces as Steve runs an antiseptic-cloth over the cut over his left eyebrow.

"Did you win at least?" Steve murmurs.

Bucky reaches into his bag and pulls out a wad of cash to place beside him on the table, "You bet I did baby".

"I'm surprised, you don't look like a winner".

"What's wrong Stevie?" Bucky sighs as he slides his hand to rest at the side of Steve's neck, his thumb running across his prominent cheekbone.

"You fully know what's wrong", he snaps, pushing Bucky's hand away, "You need to stop".

"I can't stop baby. One, it's our main source of income and two, I enjoy it".

"You're going to get hurt so bad one day and I don't know if I can continue living with that", Steve kisses his bruised knuckles.

 

Bucky doesn't reply again because he knows that Steve knows he's right. 

"Would you let me box?" Steve asks as he begins to bandage Bucky's hand.

"No way! It's not something you would want to do, or be able to do quite frankly".

"Yeah? Then why do you?"

Bucky scowls under his breath and looks at his hand, ignoring Steve's gaze.

"I-I've just been doing it for so long and I'm good at it, you know?"

 

Steve just sighs and shakes his head, going back to wrapping his hand.

"I'm sorry Stevie", Bucky apologises quietly, tilting his chin up with his free hand.

"Save it", Steve snaps, pushing his hand away yet again.

"I said I'm sorry!" Bucky yells, "what more do you want from me?"

Steve death stares him as he finishes bandaging, "I don't know, maybe something that's actually going to make a difference? You can't just apologise for hurting me and then continue it!"

"Why can't you respect that this is what I like to do? This is me! I've been boxing since we were damn kids, so why is this a big deal now?" Bucky shouts, standing to tower over Steve's small figure.

 

Steve's breath hitches as he scrambles back and looks up at his intimidating form, swallowing any fear even though his hands are shaking.

"It's always been a big deal, are you serious?! You come home and I ice your hands and wrap them, stitch you up, it's awful. I have to see you get hurt constantly!" Steve chokes up.

"This shouldn't even affect you! You don't get hurt, it's not something you can decide for me!" 

"You're a stupid, stupid jerk. I hate you", Steve sobs, hitting him in the chest defeatedly, "Don't you get it? What if I came home bruised from fighting people every day? Would you not even care?"

"This isn't wha-", "No, shut up, shut up! I carry the guilt everyday that you felt every time you weren't there for me when I'd be getting beaten. I can't help you like you did me though because you won't listen!" he interrupts.

"That isn't the same Steve! I'm a professional, y-you were just some gay kid that everyone could beat up because you're an easy target", Bucky snaps.

 

The apartment is dead silent, apart from the tap dripping from the bathroom.

"Get out", Steve says quietly, "and don't come back".

In all his years of boxing, this was the biggest punch in the face he'd ever had.

"Excuse me?" he scowls.

"I don't want this anymore. I've spent years trying to get you to stop and I can't keep doing this. Find someone else to look after you when you come home bleeding and covered in bruises because I'm not doing it anymore".

"This is your fucking decision Rogers! Don't you forget that when you come crawling back to me because I won't take you back", he yells before walking out the apartment with a slam of the door.

Steve just walks into their bedroom and slumps down on the bed, staring at the ceiling. As heart wrenching sobs fill their apartment, Bucky walks down the stairs with a heavy heart of regret. Steve's his rock, always has been, and now he has nowhere to go. He did everything for him; washed his clothes, took care of him after fights, made his food.

_Loved him._

He just threw away the most important thing that had ever happened to him. He storms down the street and to the nearest hotel where he quickly rents a room and locks himself in for the night. Lying on the bed and staring at the ceiling, he wonders if Steve is doing the same on theirs. Or maybe he was too disgusted to lay there because it reminded him of Bucky.

 

Bucky pulls out a cigarette and lights it.

**_"No_ ** **_stop, please!" Steve yelled through tears, blindly reaching out to protect himself._ **

Steve would be mad at him for smoking but he wouldn't know, not now.

**_"Shut up you freak or we'll make this worse", the larger of the three sneered, kicking him in the ribs._ **

He felt bad, he really did, but after that fight he really needed it.

**_"Hey, quit that!" Bucky growls as he walks into the bathroom to find the three boys attacking Steve in a corner._ **

He was being pathetic really, leaving his boyfriend over boxing.

**_"What are you going to do abou-", the boy is cut off by Bucky punching him square in the jaw._ **

He'd broken bones and torn muscles in boxing but Steve kicking him out was the worst fight he'd ever been in.

**_He grips him by the collar and throws him out of the bathroom door, "who's next then?"_ **

Steve deserved better than him, someone with a job that won't rely on him for everything.

**_The two other boys ran out of the bathroom faster than Bucky could lean down to hold Steve, kissing him breathlessly._ **

He was selfish though and he still wanted Steve, even after what he'd screamed right in his face. It was all lies.

**_"I'm sorry I wasn't here Stevie, it's going to be okay. No more fights ever again, I promise"._ **

**_Steve just rests his hands on the sides of his face and kisses him softly._ **

**_"It's okay, I love you. You can't always be there", he says softly as he pulls away._ **

**_"We'll see about that, punk", Bucky murmurs, kissing him again._ **

 

Bucky puts out his cigarette and turns off the lamp. Within a few hours, he's wishing he could just go to sleep as fast as that lamp turned off. He knows that two hours sleep makes people do irrational things. He wakes up at six am and immediately gets out of bed, checking out and running down the street. Did he have a plan? Of course not. People stare at him as he sprints into the apartment building and up the stairs. He reaches their door and bangs on it loudly and persistently.

"Do you have any idea what time it i-" Steve stops speaking as he peers out to see Bucky.

"I should've known it was you", he mutters as he shuts the door. 

Bucky puts his foot in-between and forces his way in.

"Bucky I don't care what you have to say to me. I made my decis-", "I quit", he interrupts.

"It's about time Buck. Stop trying to fix things you're not willing to fight for. I'm glad you're telling me but get ou-", "No you don't understand", he cuts in, "I'm quitting boxing"

 

"You're what?" Steve asks in disbelief.

"I-I'm going to go for jobs, uh, and study and help around the house. I love you so much and I can't lose you over something so unimportant", Bucky pleads.

Steve watches Bucky's eyes fill with tears and he looks down at his hands, nervously rubbing a thumb down his wrist.

"I-I can't just let you back in. You're going to hurt me again and I don't think I can take it", he cries, lip trembling.

"I promise I won't. I'm going to quit everything and we'll spend more time toge-", "The damage is done Bucky! Can't you see?!" he exclaims.

"No it's not! I can fix this, we can fix this. I just need a chance", Bucky cries.

"I've given you a thousand chances! I don't want this, I don't want us", Steve yells, pushing him away. 

 

Bucky swallows heavily and feels himself emotionally shut down, "Y-yeah okay. I-I just. I'm sorry, I just want you to be happy. Finally".

But Steve breaks when the tears start to roll down his face and he sobs heavily as they fall into each other's arms.

"I want to stay angry at you but I can't. I want to slap you and throw you out the door but I can't. I want to not love you but I can't. I hate you for doing this to me", he cries softly.

"Then let me do something you won't hate me for. Give me another chance, we need this", Bucky pleads through his tears.

 

"O-okay", Steve chokes, nodding shakily.

Bucky just pulls him impossibly close and kisses him. Steve kisses back twice as passionately, almost as if it would make all their conflicts disappear.

The shape of Bucky's lips against Steve's were better than any apology he could ever give, and Steve's hands in Bucky's hair were more important than any accepted apology.

A kiss did more than words ever could.


End file.
